Since my last post, just a short three weeks ago, my understanding of atheism has increased dramatically, because I have gone on a podcast and web surfing binge exploring the issues almost daily. My favorite podcast is one with Seth Andrews at thethinkingatheist.com. I’ve gotten through about 20 episodes with this gentle soul who treats his “radio show” callers with dignity and respect, though he doesn’t hesitate to land a good, rational punch here and there. I’ve also seen presentations on youtube and elsewhere of other presenters — Chris Hitchens, Sam Harris, Alain de Botton, Nate Phelps, Frank Schaeffer, and more — as well as a few debates, particularly centered around Creationism vs. Evolution, and watched the Nova’s “Judgment Day” episode about Intelligent Design on trial in Dover, Pennsylvania.

What did it get me? Well, surprisingly, I agree with about 98% of everything they’re saying. I’m laughing at the jokes about the ridiculous beliefs of fundamentalists (been there, done that!), agreeing with the analytical shredding of the Bible’s flaws, convinced that supernatural intervention is a myth, empathizing with the anger and frustration of former believers with the spiritual abuses of their past, horrified at the religious brainwashing of children, and celebrating the advances of biology, evolution, astronomy, rationalism, and science. I agree that we can’t know that consciousness will persist after death, nor that heaven or hell exist. In short, I think we should adopt a rational approach to knowledge and dispense with the idea of a theistic God. In most ways, these people are my tribe.

But…

I have reservations. Not about the conclusions listed above, but about the “more” not being talked about. I’m still drawn to parts of the Christian mythos and determined to make peace with it and with the demons of my past. I don’t want to just walk away, discard the meaning of my entire previous life and the echoes of which I hold dear, and live in a space of regret, anger, and resistance to it for the rest of my life. I want to dive deep, discern the truth that resides even in the midst of filth, claim it for my own, and walk into a new light.

First off, I discovered that there are Atheist Christians (or Christian Atheists). NOT kidding here. There’s a nice summary on Wikipedia at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christian_atheism.  Meet a Dutch priest named Klaas Hendrikse, who defines God as “a word for experience, or human experience,” or Frank Schaeffer who has an upcoming book entitled, Why I Am An Atheist Who Believes in God. Hallelujah!! Of course, there are also Atheist Quakers and Unitarian Universalists, and the non-theism of Paul Tillich and John Shelby Spong, and much of Northern Europe as well. I am not alone. There are people finding intellectual homes on the borders, or in the wilderness, between religion and atheism everywhere!! We just don’t know how to find each other much of the time.

And what is to be found in this borderland/wilderness for me? Well, it is a land of mythology, poetry, human experience, beauty, ritual, bliss, freedom, wonder, presence, dreams, a stark mortality, and, yes, God. But a God so different from my former perceptions that the word may no longer apply. Instead I call it Life. In this liminal space, I have encountered a wonderland, a luminous immensity, that shines into both the religious and atheistic spaces of my being, bringing them together in a creative union that challenges me all the time. That challenge asks what is prayer anymore? Is mystical union possible with a non-theistic divine? How can I find community with people like me? Is Nature the primary revelation of the divine? Can traditional religious practices be useful to the atheist? Can I feel connected within and without if I don’t have a clear concept of God? And so much more…

Well, I will save more for another day. To Life and the beautiful spaces it fills!!!